; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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