just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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