On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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