So drunk its hurt
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
