And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
