I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
