i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
