hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
