is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
