i'm signing you up for texting rehab
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
