You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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