Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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