She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
