got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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