I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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