he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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