she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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