He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
