Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
