none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
