i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
