Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize