Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
