Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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