I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
