they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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