Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
