i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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