Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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