I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
