Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
