I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
