Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
