dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
