are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize