tell your sister to shave her snatch
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
