I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
