I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
