I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
