you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
