WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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