just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
