he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
