just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
