Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
