Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
