A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
