i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
