i just had sex bonerless
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Your penis caused this!
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