so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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