YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
