Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize