i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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