Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
