Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
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