I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
