I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
