i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
