That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
