people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
