Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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