You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
