ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
