remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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