the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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