Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
even my farts smell like vagina
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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