Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
