i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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