Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
