Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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