Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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