there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I need water and some morals
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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