She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
