Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm really busy with my period
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