omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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