I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize