I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
only you would photoshop your dick
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
