I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
