Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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