Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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