I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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