i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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