my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
