i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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