Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
