I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
