you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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