i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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