You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
