I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There are leaves in my underwear?
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