don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
