The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
