As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
