I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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